I never understood why one had to be either an introvert or an extrovert, but nothing in our society makes sense for that matter. I consider myself both. One could even say I'm an extrovert by day and introvert by night; I'm practically Wonder Woman...well a lot weaker, more tired and a geographically inept Wonder Woman.
I also share two 'conflicting' passions which confine to both being an extrovert and introvert-essentially my entire being is a conundrum. I am an actor and writer and both require two very different personalities. As an actor you are always on, always putting on high energy no matter what and always ready to work. As a writer you only rely on yourself. You have to be comfortable spending hours upon hours simply by yourself in your own mind-which can be scary at times. Although they are clearly two different passions, they do require one similarity; looking into yourself. Whether you are finding the emotions for a role or developing characters, which have only found life in your head, it's all on you. But luckily, I quite enjoy myself.
I've had my days of partying almost every night on the weekend (college, am I right?) but I always paired it with some alone time with a book or even just Netflix; there is only so much 'people' interaction one can take. Because let's be honest, people suck. Between the constant judgment, immaturity and insecurities, it gets exhausting. In the end we only have ourselves to rely on and that's all that really matters. This conflicting personality also makes dating an interesting experience. I can be laughing and happy at dinner and then want to avoid talking or texting for days because I want to be left alone. I’m not anti-social; I’m selectively social. A lot of the times I have to really force myself to get out of the house, but once I do I wonder why I don’t do this more often (and then I think of my cozy bed and warm house and I remember why). Indecisiveness is my Achilles’ heel (and seeing as I’ve already physically torn my right one already) one could say it’s a real issue. 9 times out of 10 I would rather just stay home in my PJ’s either reading a book or being around family, but I also have a conflicting worry of missing out (I believe the young kids are calling it “FOMO” these days?....darn hooligans). But I’ve come to realize you really just have to figure out what makes you the most comfortable. I am an 80 year old woman trapped in a 21 year old body and gosh darnnit these clubs are just TOO DANG LOUD. But in actuality, I would much prefer to grab a pint at a close bar or pub and just talk to people like civilized humans.
Life is all about a balance. It's a beautiful thing to be outgoing and need social interaction, but it is also beautiful to sit in silence with your own mind. That is the only way to truly get to know oneself; and that may be understandably scary for some people. At least when they are around people all the time they can quiet the judgment in their head and push it down for one more day.
But that's what makes us all different which is the most beautiful. We all need different things and the key is to figure out what specifically you need and not to confine to what other people do. It's cheesy and cliché, but just be you. Listen to yourself and what you want and need. The easiest and hardest person to please is yourself, so learn the language of your heart and just enjoy yourself, enjoy life. It's a hoot if you allow yourself to enjoy it!
Party on (with a book),
Brianna
