I had my first barre class yesterday and it was exciting, invigorating and devastating. I enjoyed the moments of nostalgia as I remembered my days as a ballet dancer. But as quickly as those moments came, they were gone just as fast as my knee would snap backwards or when my ankle would give out.
I joke that I am an 80-year-old woman in a 24-year-old body, but some days it is truer than not. If you know me even a little, you know that I am competitive and "no I can't do that" is not in my vocabulary. So, when the instructor tells you to move into a grande plie with a wide turnout- I sure as hell deepen (as my body screams "NO!")
I started the class with average apprehension which was overshadowed by the thought of me completing this class. It wasn't until maybe 90 seconds into the class would I realize.... I may not make it through. Post-surgery my knee had not moved that way nor had so much concentrated weight bearing on it-I think it was more shocked than I was. While we were working on core, when one is supposed to only thinking of keeping their abs engaged, I was trying to keep my hip in socket during every rep. As we moved to shoulders, I got the opportunity of adding the extra challenge of holding my shoulders inside their sockets.
Although I make light of it, as much as one can, it was disheartening. I began to envy the other ladies in the class who most likely only felt the burn of muscle and not the stabbing pain of a subluxed joint. I envied how they were most likely going home and forget about this class until next week. Whereas I'm writing this post from my bed with two ice packs on my legs and a 1980's heating pad strapped around my back (you're welcome for that visual).
It was one of those days where my condition took a front seat to my life. I don't let it take control often, but sometimes I have no choice. I'm angered that it got a front row seat tonight, I'm angry that I didn't walk (albeit slowly) away from this class thinking that I kicked EDS's butt tonight!
But you know what? I still finished the class. I modified a lot of the positions and I took pauses when my joints would slip out. I stretched in the few seconds we had to breathe and I carried on.
So, I suppose in a way, I did kick its' butt. So, take that 80-year-old body!
.... I really wish I could pee standing up though.
