My icy heart has thawed. For anyone who has followed my posts or have read any of them, you may have noticed a common theme... a bitterness of love one might say?
I wasn't a stranger to gag at the sound of "valentines day", scoffing at the word "love" or rolling my eyes at people receiving flowers.
Also to anyone who knows me, knows that my track record with men wasn't the best (to say the least). Basically, if you were a stereotypical jerk...I probably dated you at one point.
Because of this, instead of realizing the fact that I was with the wrong men, I would convince myself that I didn't want any of that stuff anyways. Cuddling? No, no one wants that.
After finally being single for some time, I was able to convince myself that I didn't like those things and I truly believed it. Flowers? They're a waste of money. Surprise visits? I don't like to be surprised. Facebook official? Don't even think about it.
It wasn't until a couple of months ago when I would fall head over heels for someone did I realize I was completely wrong. I had become so used to convincing myself that I hated these things in order to cope with how I used to be treated, that I had forgotten what I actually love and deserve.
In the last couple of months I have been spoiled with flowers, surprise visits, soup being delivered when I was sick and so much more. I have loved every second of it and I am so grateful for it. Everyone around me would say to me, "you deserve this" so often it was like a broken record; but until you experience it you don't think it even exists (especially with our generation).
Having never experienced something like this I feel very grateful for every second of it. Of course it is not about the material items, but more about the love and mindset attached to them. I feel so lucky and wish past Brianna hadn't been so bitter about love. But honestly if someone had told me that this would be the way I would end 2016 I would have assumed they were on something...
Case and point, don't let bad experiences change or influence what you love and want. Don't lose sight of who you are, no one else gets to decide what you like other than you. And above all, never settle. Don't stop looking for that someone until your thoughts about what you deserve match with what you receive. It is out there; trust me. And when you experience your first night when you fall asleep with a smile on your face, you'll know you are there.
Signed,
No longer bitter Brianna
