Here's my rant of the week, commitment. Now this isn't your typical rant of "why can't men commit" blah blah. No, this is a rant about myself on how I can't commit!
I honestly can't commit to save my life. And no, it's not like I cheat when I'm in a relationship; it's hard for me to even start in one. As soon as I start dating someone new I automatically panic as I think I'm committing to marrying said person and how our kids will look and how will we raise our children if I love Star Wars and he loves Star Trek?! I don't think that's something we can compromise on. I know this sounds a bit extreme but I can't help it. Even if I start texting with someone more regularly I question if I can commit to that constant.
But it's not even relationships; it's everything! Two-hour movie? I'm not sure I can watch all of that if I'm not completely into it. A two-week teeth whitening regime? I've been cracking away at it for almost six months now and I still have 6 sets left. My scrapbook has been left half completed, all my books are half read and it’s a miracle if I finish a TV series to its’ entirety.
Ever since I can remember I never liked being told what too do (I don't know anyone who does) and I feel like this may be part of it. Who are you Mr. Crest White-strips to tell me what I have to do for two weeks; I will decide how often I apply chemicals to my mouth, dangnabbit!
Now for the flip side, my dream is to be married and have a family. I understand that this commitment situation may cause a snag in this plan. But when it comes to relationships I feel like it is more of an 'I don't want to waste my time' rather than 'I can't commit'. I usually hit the 6-month mark and make a decision if this person is worth my time and patience, I'll tell you, 75% don't make the cut. Why should I commit to something or someone I don't fully enjoy?
Now with the new year around the corner and the dread of resolutions on everyone’s mind this is the worst time of year for someone like myself. I used to make the mistake of setting resolutions and then, like everyone else, failing miserably. I gave up that idea quite quickly. I never make resolutions anymore, especially in January. Everyday I have an idea of the person I want to be and everyday I maintain that and work towards that. I feel like this is something that should be an everyday constant, not just in the start of a new year because you feel bad for eating that entire cake back in October. If I want to improve my cardio, I can start right now, I don't need to wait for a Monday or the new year, if I did, I would 500lbs...trust me. I have figured out that if I don't mentally commit to working out etc. and just do it at my own free will, than I will complete it; aka I've learned how to trick myself into working out, finishing things and inevitably, committing to-well-commitment.
I think the conclusion is that I'm not unable to commit, I just commit selectively. And with our generations attention span I don't think I'm alone in this.
I can't commit to writing this entry any longer,
Brianna
