I'd Rather Have a Minx...

Chronic pain is an interesting minx. One day it will make you want to crawl into a hole and stay there and others it’s a mere tickle and you wonder how you couldn’t handle it the day before.

The thing with me is that yes, I am in chronic pain every single day of my life. Where that pain originates is a different story. Sometimes it’s my back and it prevents me from putting on my pants or normal leg movement, sometimes its my hips (usually a result of favoring my always painful ankle) and of course my always favourite who likes to star in at least one part of my day everyday-my knee(s). Both are awful but my left usually likes the spotlight. My knee is an interesting type of pain, sometimes it’s like a knife with every step and others it’s a dull numbing pain with every step almost with my leg giving out.

The ironic thing is I don’t find the chronic pain to be the hardest part, I find it having to do with the people around me. It’s hard for people who don’t have pain every second of the day to understand what that is like because luckily for them, they never have to experience that. I’ve also found that the mere concept of this is hard for most to comprehend, “well it can’t be that bad” or “you have pain every day? Well you usually don’t seem like it”.

And yes, they may be right. I have become so used to feeling this way that I have built a pretty kick ass tolerance for pain, but everyone has a limit. When my knees dislocate when I walk, or if my hip slips out of socket by just laying down, it’s harder for me to hide it than normal. I am usually pretty proud of how well I hide it. So well in fact that when I do have a high pain day, no one remembers that I feel this everyday. I find it’s a constant reminder for those around me that I experience pain.

If you have known me for a while and never knew this, then you’ve been around on the good days. Usually this isn’t something I advertise as the multitude of questions follow. But if you also have grown to know me than you’ve also notice that I have a natural limp. And when I’m not heading back to my tower to claim it as sanctuary, I’m keeping up with everyone else one hop at a time.

I write these blogs as an extra voice in addition to my humorously defensive one. I do try to not let it take me over but sometimes I can’t help that, and for those who are around me on those days, I’m sorry. These blogs are an additional insight into my ever-exciting life and twinges of wisdom but they ultimately are written in hope someone out there may be dealing with the same thing. Maybe it’s not physical pain, maybe it’s emotional; they do tend to come hand in hand. But if that’s the case than I hope you know that along with the bad days, you will have good days and the bad ones quickly fade to the background. As I remind myself daily, pain is just a reminder that we are alive…..and if I’ve every questioned it, my god, I am alive alright.

Ice and elevation,

Brianna

#acceptance #experience #hope #life #positive #chronic #pain