Every magazine you read or BuzzFeed article states that you must "love yourself before you can love another." Well that's a great concept but I never truly understood it-until now. The sister to that saying is also " you'll find love when you stop looking"- which also may be true but I've never tested this as I have never stopped looking to be honest.
I've just recently started at an office full time job for the first time in my life and to say it has been eye opening is an understatement. But it's been enlightening, but not for the reasons that you would expect. Sure I've learned that Thursday after work drinks can be considered "business meetings", that Post-Its are the prison equivalent of cigarettes and no one, I repeat no one- messes with my favourite pen. But to my surprise I'm learning more about myself and what long term relationships are like than ever before.
I'll admit I've never been in a relationship longer than 10 months- usually because I don't like wasting my time with someone not worth my time; but I knew there was a deeper reason despite not knowing it.
Fast forward months later and I'm realizing that speaking up for yourself does not automatically mean things are over (despite my experiences with my asshat ex's...yes asshat would be the technical term). At work you see the same people 5 days a week every week- they're bound to tweak some nerves eventually. Just like a relationship you learn about them. You learn what makes them tick and what sets them off. It's all a learning curve just like a relationship. And if you're lucky enough to find a mature partner, when you find those ticks you can talk them through and move past them stronger than before. In a work environment when you don't have the luxury of choosing who you work with, your only option is to smooth it over because you're going to have to work with them again tomorrow...and the next day...and the day after that.
In addition to that, I'm learning what my triggers are- and most of them have surprised me. But I'm so grateful every time they are set off because I can acknowledge them and find where they stem from. Most times it's not that easy but at least I confront them.
Of course I'm still learning but I'm closer than ever to see who I truly am- and you know what? I'm becoming a fan of whom I'm finding.
Life lessons appear when you're not looking for them- not love. But who knows, the juries still out on that last one.
Seven months and going strong,
Brianna
