It’s an odd feeling knowing a part of your body will be gone. 22 years with my body I’ve learned the in’s and out’s. I know when a head cold has turned into a sinus infection, I know when an injury is worse than my normal injuries and I know every pain and twinge I feel. But to know one day that you will lose feeling in a part of you that you’ve known for 22 years is odd…no matter how odd of a place it is.
If you know me well or have followed my entries, you may know that I have hypermobility quite extensively. Because of this I have dislocated almost every joint in my body- my knee being the worst. Finally after years and years of MRI’s, X-rays, ultrasounds, countless icepacks and bottles of Advil- my pleas have been answered. The best surgeon in Canada has finally found a surgery to fix my knee from dislocating. Essentially they are bungee cording my kneecap in place – which is as close as I would like to get to a bungee cord in my lifetime. Finally I won’t have to clench my knee in place as I turn a corner because otherwise it would come out, I will be able to go up stairs without winching and possibly even run longer than a 5 min sprint otherwise my kneecap suctions in and out of socket with every stride.
These are things I have just become accustomed too as I grew up; they were normal to me, but only to me. Other than my family, no one understood. Every single gym teacher I had thought I was just lazy and that I just needed to be “pushed”, my ballet instructor didn’t understand that if my turn out was any wider both kneecaps and hips were at risk of all coming out of socket one way or another and my boyfriends never understood that sometimes I was just in pain, simple as that.
But then in 2010 a surgeon figured out that although there is no cure you could prevent the kneecap from moving if you just kept it in place-now we’re onto something. The ironic aspect is, when I began my journey to find a solution to my knee problems, this surgery hadn’t even been invented yet; I guess everything does happen for a reason.
But I digress; I’m sure you are wondering where my thigh comes in. Because of where they have to attach the muscle they have to severe through all my nerves on the inside of my leg right beside my kneecap- affectively numbing my entire inside of my left leg. It really should be great because I will only feel thigh chaff 50% of the time but it is a weird occurrence if I really let myself think about it. A part of my body that I have felt, cursed at and scrutinized for 22 years of my life will not be the same; you may be sitting there thinking I am making a mole out a ant hill (or whichever that saying) and that may be true. But to me, I feel like I am taking a part of myself away, forever. Although this surgery is necessary, because I won’t die if I don’t get the surgery this is essentially called an elective surgery, therefore, I am electively removing half my leg- it’s a hard concept to wrap my head around.
But in the end, it will be better. I will be able to bound up stairs, kneel down to get something in a low cupboard and even one day run after my kids. It’s for my quality of life for now and in the future, I am just going to be doing it with 1.5 legs. So by the end of this week I will be living in a pain free world amongst all you 2 legged people…I’d say you’re the odd ones.
Who’s really normal anyways?
Brianna
