Well friends, I am finally back. After 7 months of forgetting what it was like to lead a normal life- I am recovered (almost) and alive (as much as a 80 year old in a 22year old body can be). I can't believe it's over (almost). It was the worst and best experience of my life. I say this because it made me the most raw version of myself I could ever get too.
I used to think I was strong. I thought since I hid my emotions- I was strong. I never really cried- I was strong. I was an independent person- I was strong. Boy, was I wrong. I didn't know what strong meant, and to be honest, I was weak. Being vulnerable doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong and that is only one of the many lessons that I leaned through this.
This recovery showed me strength when I literally had no energy or mental capacity left in me to be strong. This recovery showed me that showing emotions and vulnerabilities to others doesn't make you weak, it shows that you're strong. I prided myself in not crying in front of others, but once my aggressive physio therapy started, there wasn't a session that I went too in which I didn't leave sobbing.
I experienced the darkest thoughts during this recovery, primarily in the beginning when I came to terms with the long road ahead of me.
But through this I formed a bond with my family, especially my mother that I can't express my gratitude for, I honestly couldn't have gotten through this without her. From helping me to the bathroom days after surgery (we bonded quite quickly), to driving me to and from work and physio (I couldn't fit in the drivers seat with a full leg cast) and just sitting with me as I broke down and constantly reminded me that I could and would get through this- and she was right (as she always is).
Like they say, everything happens for a reason and this is no different. For obvious reasons this had to happen so I could lead a normal life without the hindrance of my knee. But even more so, it happened so I could realize the person I truly was. The person I am without the insecurities, without outside influences. It was just me, myself and I who could make sure I got through this- physically I couldn't rely on anyone else to take the pain away or move the healing process along any faster.
In all, now that the major pain is gone and I'm beginning to regain normalcy, I am grateful for this experience more than I can say. And I'm even more grateful for the person it has made me become.
Here's to learning from every experience, good and bad and moving forward!
And here's to a less painful 2016,
Brianna
